Sometime, it is our fate.....

This morning i try to search my previous email. Because it's too many about 1052 email, not include junk and spam. So i need to clear up my oldest inbox. When i go trough all my oldest inbox, I fund this sarcastic email. Let read it again since i will delete it forever.

From her to me,

subject: huhu

i jus went out with my fren and u are sad with me ni baru sekali... if i kua byk kali wif my frens later.. and so u know i have more guy frens than my girls.. witnessing ur action tonite, i dun think u can handle it well enuf huhu... =(

this is a really thing that i need u to really understand fully deeply... u told me earlier u wud be ok with me goin out with my frens... either guy or girls.. when comes to real situation, u didnt act as what u said to me not long before

seriously... if u cannot accept this, the fact that i go out with my guy fren, i think we are better off being apart from each other... this is a serious thing...... and i dont want to face the same thing again for the second time

if u cannot tolerate with me now, then so with our future... u'll act the same thing i promised to myself, until im married to my husband, than only i stop seeing my frens esp the guys i believed that i have the freedom of seeing anyone that i want without u stopping me or arguing me.. (and u agreed with me during the fes few weeks of our relationship) coz i know.. fren is a fren... and i know what is the boundry of being frens whenever im with them...

i wont turn myself to my fren, not to another guy coz i already have u... but guys wud never understand me on this

reason why i tak nak kapel is bcoz i know the guy will kongkong my life as what he wants me to.. u said earlier, u are not the same as others........ and i accepted you coz u said u are different from other guys.... but NOT to my surprise, u are just the same as the other deswai i asked u to deeply think, DO U WANT ME? can u handle me coz i admit i am a burden to u... sumore im not v****n as u wanted... again, the second time of being the lowest point of my life...

u are just to good to be true.... im not the perfect girl for u.. i know myself really well in the first place, a very bad girl

ntah la... u gave me soo much hint that im not the right person for u i already gave up once on u before, when u knew im not a v***n anymore and now u raise up another big issue on me again and seriously i give up again.......

i surrender myself on defending or protecting our relationship again.... =( i jus cannot handle being guilty to do sumtin that im not suppose to get worried if u can not accept me as who i am, im willingly to let go off myself from u... it's good for both of us

don call and ask to go out to pujuk me... later end up dok tepi pantai lagi.. and waste your money on that

i really need space to be alone... cukup lah u did offline in front of my eyes twice las nite.. it really hurts me a lot

again... i cried my tears because of u

i dont want to meet you, i dont want to hear your voice, i dont want to see you online dont call me, dont msg me, dont even try to contact me... coz i wont it really hurts when i know u are reluctant to accept me as who i am... again  plus, ur main reason to hold up this rship is jus want to have a gefren in ur life without even care who is she

right at this moment,  with all my love toward you is fading away.. i give up and im letting u go away from my life

My Love.

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then i replied:

to be honest...i want u to know.......sorry if i am wrong...but yesterday..i really2 dissapointed with u...because i promise to go out with u late nigth for drink together as usual and u say ok. 3times....then i wait until 12 am....but u are not in ur room..and u say u are going out with ur  fren(guy)......if u are in my side.....u tak rase kecewa ker bila ur lover leh kuar with other guy and left u behind........actually it is true i not jealous but when the time u realy2 need me, but i is not there....what are u feel.....i just  want u to think by ur self.....i am so sorry because i cant lie with my heart........it ups to u then....if u are really want me,need me ...u can come back to me.....i already can accept u....remember i dont left u behind.....but if u dont want it...it ups to u then...... i know i am too weak, i don have anything...just want on u in my side, support me, help, temankan me.....that it what i want, not only have awek as what u think......mmg i tak marah when u keluar with ur guy fren, but i cannat lie with my hearth, i mmg rase kecewa, and rasenye every guy will dissapointed when his true love go out with other, even if that is is bestfren..........that i only need just u said "sayang, i am sorry" that it...tue jer just to cool down myself.....but u did anything else.......u are not wrong, but i am also....so jus think in my side.......it up to u to choose.....either u want me or not......n want to let u know i love u because is not just ade awek. i choose u because i want someone fill my empty space, to give spirit to live, make me visible, take me ou from my darkness...then i already show u how seriusly i love u, i am worry when u go out with other guy, something bad thing can happen....tha why.. not jealous but worry...that mean i really2 love u my dear.....it is not mean i kongkong u, but to protect u...but i know u will be not understand......thats why the first love cant be long forever,.....because we only think about ourself, not others......so this time i want u decide urself......either u want me let u go or u come back to me...it yours choice.........and thank you my dear because u give me a nice time to remember while only the short time.........and if have anything problem, dont hesistate to call me for help.....;) u are the one, the first and the last.......u will know if u are on my side....;) 

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then she replied again:

i am really really trully deeply sorry about going out with my guy fren last nite

u are just too good for me.....

seriuosly i really dont like to dissapoint especially to the one that i love...

but sumhow, i make them feel dissapointed, that i'll loose to myself

and 1 more thing.... sumtin happend yesterday and i felt sad bout it actually..

that was why i just can went out borak2 with my fren lame2 jus to forget bout that

='( cudnt help myself to b sad and did sumtin way behind ur back...

sorry sayang

then the end..  let me tell you the real story happen that nite. Actually we are suppose had dinner together as usual. But what happen that nite is she going out with "her fren" (male actually) alone together and leave me behind. If you were in my side, what will you thinking? Well no need to think anymore because this happen 3 years ago and she already left me 2 years ago. And now i still love her, i don't know why i am to loyal to this love even you are being left alone. She left me 2 years ago with no sign, no argument, no fighting, just leave me like that. The last time she said to me "i will call you later". And i wait that call more than 2 years and still waiting even i know she will never call me back. It's like waiting the moon falling down to earth. Everyday i asked myself,"what so hard to left this my first love". WE never declare as couple, just fren. She never accepted me as her soul mate, just fren. So why i still waiting something is will not be happen. Yeah i agreed, i am really stupid about love. Since now i still waiting, still single. Why? Because i make stupid promise that she is the first, and the last. And i am the person who hold promise until dead. So the moral of this story is don't make stupid promise because it will eaten you alive...  tbc